i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
