New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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