Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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