TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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