my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
