I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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