The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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