i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize