Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
