Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
