Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Enjoy the penises
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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