how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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