well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
