Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
