Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
