just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
