The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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