It's like God shit irony all over that family
4 words: hood of his car
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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