I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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