dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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