I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
