Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
