one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
