Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
