Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
