just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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