ADVERTISEMENT

• (716): View more from New York

  It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.

  Fav 13 5634 1677

  share tweet
  

• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.

  Fav 7 4577 1304

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts

  Fav 6 3313 1444

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.

  Fav 2 1433 828

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (716): View more from New York

  As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."

  Fav 34 6285 1703

  share tweet
  

• (909): View more from California

  No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back

  Fav 2 1575 697

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.

  Fav 3 1234 746

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug

  Fav 2 702 490

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus

  Fav 1 1107 511

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (731): View more from Tennessee

  I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...

  Fav 0 342 240

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.

  Fav 6 707 185

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??

  Fav 0 172 90

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!

  Fav 1 142 97

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.

  Fav 1 102 29

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (631): View more from New York

  I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.

  Fav 2 88 14

  share tweet
  

Randomize