I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dating After Heartbreak
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes