ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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