Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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