Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.