wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus