i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
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I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.