he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.