I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.