my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
