i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
