The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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