All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
