we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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