Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
