no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
