This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
