so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
