I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
