we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
