I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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