Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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