I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
