Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
