If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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