i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think I sprained my soul last night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
