Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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