quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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