It's Friday. Sex?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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