she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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