I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
