So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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