He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
