I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize