Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
