even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Randomize