i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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