Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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