They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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