My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
