Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
