first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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