im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
