Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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