Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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