I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you made out with another girl for some wings
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
