That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize