I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
