do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
