im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We left an ass print on the piano.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
