So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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