did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
