Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
