I hate all girls vehemently.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
