uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
4 words: hood of his car
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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