I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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