Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The adults are the big ones right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
