I wish i was in the wii world.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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